Real Marriage, Real Love


February 14, 2013 » Written under Hubs, Real Life

Look, we’ve only been married seven years. I’m not going to claim to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination. Both my parents and my in-laws (who are both celebrating their 40th wedding anniversaries this year, about a month apart!!!) could likely tell you more about what makes a marriage “last.” But what I do know is, sometimes real love is not candy hearts and silk rose petals. Sometimes it’s messy, and ugly, and scary.

And sometimes…it’s just damn hilarious.

But it’s always unique. Which is why I can write romance after romance, couple after couple falling in love, and never be bored. Because although the end is the same (Happy Ever Afters, guaranteed!) their journey, and their relationship, should always ring true for them and them alone.

So in honor of this day, the day people insist we share how much we love our significant other with the world, I shall share a few … unique conversations Hubs and I have had over the last year or so. This basically explains why we fit together like slightly soggy, toddler-chewed puzzle pieces. If you’re a Facebook fan, you know where these came from. But hey, this is what makes us tick!

 

Me: I hope you’re awake and dressed. That guy is coming by to look at the landscape rocks.
Hubs: Whatever. I don’t need to impress him.
Me: Pants would be nice, though…
Hubs: What do you think this is, The Ritz?

___________________________

Hubs: This meeting is so boring I might actually die.
Me: Claim PMS cramps and leave.
Hubs: Tried that, didn’t work.
Me: Try labor pains.
Three minutes later…
Hubs: They didn’t buy it.
Me: Maybe you didn’t moan effectively enough.
Hubs: Yeah. I’m sure that was it.
Me: Headache?
Hubs: I’m trying to get out of a meeting, not sex.
Me: Don’t bite my head off. I’m trying to help.
Hubs: Could you think of a guy complaint next? They’re starting to wonder…

 ___________________________

Me: When you pull up tomorrow, don’t pull into the garage. I have a surprise for you!
Hubs: Is it makeshift tire spikes?
Me: Eff. Who ruined the surprise?
Hubs: I just know you too well.

 ___________________________

Hubs: What are you up to today for your super-secret project?
Me: I can’t tell you. We’ve been over this. It’s a surprise.
Hubs: Oh, come on. Just tell me.
Me: Do we have a wet saw?
Hubs: Uh…no.
Me: Darn. Do you know what it costs to rent a jackhammer?
Hubs: What do you-
Me: Never mind. I’ll just call and ask.
Hubs: What the hell?
Me: Oh! I remembered. How do you remove a toilet?
Hubs: Oh Jesus Christ.
Me: *banging on counter with spoon* Oh shit, that’s not good. Gotta go!
*click*

___________________________
Me: While you were gone, I caulked the shower.
Hubs: *panicked* Let me see.
Two minutes later…
Hubs: You actually did a nice job.
Me: *indignent* Of course I did! I know how to caulk!
Hubs: Yeah, you know your way around caulk…
Me: Exactly.
Hubs: In fact, you’re a caulk expert.
Me: Thank you.
Hubs: You handled that caulk like a master.

Me: We turned dirty all the sudden, didn’t we?
Hubs: We were never NOT dirty.
Home improvement projects…they bring a marriage together.
___________________________
Me: Give me a few examples of absolutely horrible bedroom talk.
Hubs: Give it to me, you stupid tart.
Me: *after five minutes of gasping laughter* SERIOUSLY?!
Hubs: Too lame?
Me: Too something. Try again.
Hubs: You filthy doxy.
Me: Hello, Harlequin Presents, circa 1987, meet your hero du jour.
Hubs: Fine. How about…you look dead in the eyes.
Me: Is that a joke?
Hubs: I’m about to yell.

Me: Unimpressed.
Hubs: Sometimes you make me want to leave the room.
Me: Are you still giving examples? I can’t tell anymore.
Hubs: I can never win these games with you. Why do you insist we play?
Me: I had nothing to talk about on Facebook today. Thank you!

Happy Obligated To Remind You We Are In Love Day, Hubs. You’re my favorite husband yet.


3 Comments

  1. Elaine Saynay

    February 14th, 2013 - 9:11 am

    I seriously love this! I laughed so hard and then said “aww!” Then laughed some more! :) Happy Valentine’s Day!


  2. Robyn Sue

    February 14th, 2013 - 4:44 pm

    Too funny! My favorite was your hubby trying to get out of a meeting and my next favorite was the caulk one.

    40 years. Wow! Good for your parents and in-laws. That is not easy.

    And for you and hubby to be married for seven years is not easy in this day and age; even moreso with his occupation. (God bless our servicemen and women and animals.)

    My parents will be married for 28 years on March 2nd (which is also Texas Independence Day; it’s a big deal here in Texas). But they dated for 4 years. So that means they have known each other for 32 years. They have been together for more than half of their lives and have gone through events that would break some couples apart.

    When my mom called me this morning to tell me Happy Valentine’s, she said she didn’t get me a card or anything. Which also means she didn’t get my dad anything. And knowing my dad, he didn’t get my mom anything. He might give her a card this evening. I don’t know. You would have to know my dad.

    But, I think after being together for 32 years and being married for 28 of them, some things (like generic cards, though there are those that do hit the mark) just don’t come up to par with expressing how you feel and how in love you are with that person.

    My Valentine’s will be spent with the girls that come to the dinner that our dorm hall is hosting. They said there would be food. Need I say more? It’ll be the first time I do something on Valentine’s minus being with my parents.

    And going back to the beginning of this novel…(haha)

    My dad would SO say something similar to the caulk conversation. *shakes head and smiles and groans lovingly*


  3. Jackie ODonnell

    December 10th, 2013 - 4:28 pm

    That was so funny. I love it! Makes me think of some things my husband and I say to each other. Thanks for sharing!




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