Real Marriage, Real Love
Look, we’ve only been married seven years. I’m not going to claim to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination. Both my parents and my in-laws (who are both celebrating their 40th wedding anniversaries this year, about a month apart!!!) could likely tell you more about what makes a marriage “last.” But what I do know is, sometimes real love is not candy hearts and silk rose petals. Sometimes it’s messy, and ugly, and scary.
And sometimes…it’s just damn hilarious.
But it’s always unique. Which is why I can write romance after romance, couple after couple falling in love, and never be bored. Because although the end is the same (Happy Ever Afters, guaranteed!) their journey, and their relationship, should always ring true for them and them alone.
So in honor of this day, the day people insist we share how much we love our significant other with the world, I shall share a few … unique conversations Hubs and I have had over the last year or so. This basically explains why we fit together like slightly soggy, toddler-chewed puzzle pieces. If you’re a Facebook fan, you know where these came from. But hey, this is what makes us tick!
Me: I hope you’re awake and dressed. That guy is coming by to look at the landscape rocks.
Hubs: Whatever. I don’t need to impress him.
Me: Pants would be nice, though…
Hubs: What do you think this is, The Ritz?
Hubs: This meeting is so boring I might actually die.
Me: Claim PMS cramps and leave.
Hubs: Tried that, didn’t work.
Me: Try labor pains.
Three minutes later…
Hubs: They didn’t buy it.
Me: Maybe you didn’t moan effectively enough.
Hubs: Yeah. I’m sure that was it.
Hubs: I’m trying to get out of a meeting, not sex.
Me: Don’t bite my head off. I’m trying to help.
Hubs: Could you think of a guy complaint next? They’re starting to wonder…
Me: When you pull up tomorrow, don’t pull into the garage. I have a surprise for you!
Hubs: Is it makeshift tire spikes?
Me: Eff. Who ruined the surprise?
Hubs: I just know you too well.
Hubs: What are you up to today for your super-secret project?
Me: I can’t tell you. We’ve been over this. It’s a surprise.
Hubs: Oh, come on. Just tell me.
Me: Do we have a wet saw?
Me: Darn. Do you know what it costs to rent a jackhammer?
Hubs: What do you-
Me: Never mind. I’ll just call and ask.
Hubs: What the hell?
Me: Oh! I remembered. How do you remove a toilet?
Hubs: Oh Jesus Christ.
Me: *banging on counter with spoon* Oh shit, that’s not good. Gotta go!
Hubs: *panicked* Let me see.
Two minutes later…
Hubs: You actually did a nice job.
Me: *indignent* Of course I did! I know how to caulk!
Hubs: Yeah, you know your way around caulk…
Hubs: In fact, you’re a caulk expert.
Me: Thank you.
Hubs: You handled that caulk like a master.
Hubs: We were never NOT dirty.
Hubs: Give it to me, you stupid tart.
Me: *after five minutes of gasping laughter* SERIOUSLY?!
Hubs: Too lame?
Me: Too something. Try again.
Hubs: You filthy doxy.
Me: Hello, Harlequin Presents, circa 1987, meet your hero du jour.
Hubs: Fine. How about…you look dead in the eyes.
Me: Is that a joke?
Hubs: I’m about to yell.
Hubs: Sometimes you make me want to leave the room.
Me: Are you still giving examples? I can’t tell anymore.
Hubs: I can never win these games with you. Why do you insist we play?
Me: I had nothing to talk about on Facebook today. Thank you!