Revenge of the Spider…
Hubs found a spider with its body the size of a quarter (not counting legs here, people) making itself comfortable in a web it spun ACROSS our back door. Like, if you weren’t watching, you’d walk right through the web. It took up half the door, not exaggerating. He knocked it down and I yelled at him to kill it.
Hubs: Hell no.
Me: Why not???
Hubs: Because it would eat me.
Me: I’m sorry, WHO is the Marine in this situation? Just KILL IT! I’ll get a shoe.
Hubs: *sigh* I’ll just use the corner of Tot’s patio chair. *picks up chair*
Me: NO!!!! That’s awful and gross.
Hubs: You were going to use one of your shoes.
Me: Like hell. I was going to get one of YOURS.
It then crawled between two planks on our deck and settled there. It’s like he knew neither of us were going to use our fingers to get it. I watched it settle in, still clearly visible but not killable with the corner of the chair or a shoe. And I could just hear the bastard plotting.
They’ll all go to sleep, and they’ll forget I’m even here. And when they’re asleep and vulnerable…I strike. You shall rue the day you attempted to murder me, humans.
So, being the rational, logic-using adult I am…I boiled water and made Hubs pour it on the spider. It’s still there…it didn’t wash away (unfortunately). But Hubs is like 84% sure it’s dead…and cooked. So we did some nice critter a favor by cooking its lunch for it.
I’m still not convinced it’s not still alive and plotting though…I think I should make Hubs sleep across the doorway of the bedroom tonight. Just in case.